Saturday, August 10, 2013

A fair exchange...

I'm guardedly optimistic about this new medication.  It can take weeks to see the full effects of the drug.  So far, they have made a difference.  Mom seems to have reverted back several months in her behavior.  And that's a mixed bag.  On one hand, the delusions seem to have lessened.  She still is confused, but she's not seeing things that aren't there. 

But...  And this is a big but, she has reverted back to a place that was full of stubbornness and inflexibility.  As an example, today we went to Target.  Two weeks ago she would have been so agitated that we might have been able to pick up 2 items before we had to leave.  Today, she wasn't so much agitated as she was frustrated that we weren't doing what she wanted to do, whatever that was.  We do try to do things that she wants.  But, even when she picks something, by the time we are doing it, it's wrong.  When she is in that mood, she finds things to turn the focus to her.  "Oh, my leg hurts!" or "I need to leave.  They are waiting for me and I'll lose my job!"  Today it was a combination of these.  When I didn't immediately turn my focus to her, she raised her voice and said, "I need to go to the bathroom. NOW!"  So, I left my daughter in the dressing room, ran to the bathroom with Mom, where she firmly states, "I don't need to go and you can't make me."  Guess what?  After 20 minutes of arguing, it turned out she was right.  I couldn't make her. 

I don't want to make it sound all bad.  She has been calmer.  Her appetite has increased, a little.  She isn't as afraid.  She has started praying again. Although the other night she was praying to Santa Claus, but that's okay.  God knows her heart and hears her. 

I guess what I am seeing is a little clearer reflection of who she has always been.  Mom always has been stubborn.  The changes are subtle.  But, with them, I have found a little more patience.  Putting up with a little stubbornness is a fair exchange for that. 

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