Wednesday, February 27, 2013

I am quiet and choose to listen...

During still another very early morning wake up, I was sitting in Mom's room listening to an easy listening rock station on Pandora with my noise reducing earphones - they are amazing by the way.  It was almost 2 o'clock and the sleeping pill still wasn't kicking in after 45 minutes.  Between songs I could hear Mom demanding to be let out of her room so that she could get dressed and go to school.  I find it fascinating that a woman with almost no short-term memory is able to harp on one consistent topic for so long.  I had tried several times to explain that it was the middle of the night, that it was dark, that there was no school, that people were sleeping, etc.  But, she continued on, occasionally taking a breath. 

As I was sitting there listening, and blocking the random escape attempts, I focused on the music as much as I could.  I mentally sang along with some songs, allowed my mind to drift during others.  I talked to God some, not so much a prayer as just a chat.  Overall, I was feeling calm, if a little frustrated that I wanted to be in bed.  

At this point, I had been sitting in that dark bedroom for about an hour and a half.  I wasn't asleep.  I wasn't even drowsy.  But, my mind must have drifted off because I tuned back in to tears sneaking down my cheeks.  A Brad Paisley song had come on my "rock" station.  The song was "When We All Get to Heaven".  By the end of the song I was crying in earnest.  When Brad finished, Carrie Underwood came on with "How Great Thou Art".  I was quietly sobbing at this point. The station returned to its regularly scheduled programming with "Like a Rock" by Bob Seeger.

What incredibly beautiful gifts I had just received. 

During this journey that I am on, I have experienced and shared times when my faith was being tested.  And times that I felt truly abandoned.  But, one of the greatest lessons that I have learned during this horrible trek is this... I am never alone.  The times when I feel alone are the times when I am not listening.  He is with me.  He loves me.  He wants me to get through this with Him.  And, if I am quiet and choose to listen, He has wonderful things to share with me. 

If you'd like to listen to my gifts:
When We All Get to Heaven
How Great Thou Art

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