I have been thinking a lot these past few days of the days in my childhood when my mommy was the only thing that made me feel better. I remember once in High School going to the nurse's office and solemnly explaining why I needed to call my mom. And just as soon as Mom answered the the phone, blurting out in tears, "Mommy, I don't feel good." I always felt so childish with the nurse looking on at my tears.
But I miss that childish feeling now. I have been feeling crappy for a couple of weeks, some days worse than others. So, it is so hard for me to have my mother here and have no concept of anything outside of her own world. Everything revolves around her and her feelings. It's just one more thing that this disease has taken from us. But, this time it I don't care if I sound childish. I just want my mommy.
I'm sorry, N. I know there are times, many times through the years, where all I wanted was to have my mom take care of me and be able to have those years back when she could kiss away the booboos and make me feel better. I know you must miss your Mom in that same way. Who you have with you now is only a shell of who she once was, and it's so hard to see that physical form of who she was and reconcile that with the terrible disease that has robbed you all of her real presence. I'm so sorry. Wish a long distance hug would suffice, but I know nothing short of God helps hurts and times when we don't feel well and only want our Mommy.
ReplyDeleteI love you, Shelly. Thanks for being in my life... and a long distance hug helps.
ReplyDelete