Well, Operation Be A Kinder, Gentler Caregiver has been going for awhile now. Overall, I'd give my self a solid B. I've relaxed a lot and continue to try and see her as the victim. She hasn't changed and I didn't expect her to. She's still agitated and angry much of the time. When I was in the Army I had a supervisor that gave some good advice. He told us that when something hurts us or makes us angry that we should think of it like a hot ember landing on our arm and we should "just brush it off" before it burns us too severely.
So, after a week of non-stop brushing, I lost it. I fixed Mom a plate of dinner... the exact same thing that we were all having. It was so hot today that we sat outside on the front porch to eat. As I sat down, she looked at my plate, that looked exactly like her plate, and she said, "Why is yours always bigger and better than mine?" And I lost it. I took my plate of food and scraped it onto hers and said, "There! Now yours is bigger and better!"
And she ate my dinner.