Random thoughts...

My brain is going a hundred miles a minute.  So many thoughts.  So little that is positive.  I want my life back.  I have nothing left to give.  My kids deserve more and better.  So much better.  I don't like myself anymore.  I am angry.  No, I am furious!  I don't like her and I have nothing left to give her. She whines and complains every moment that she is awake.  She is getting closer to my soul with every swing of her hammer.  She pushes buttons that I didn't know I even had.  Is this who I am?  Is this who I will always be?  Will I become her? Am I already her? Will my children hate me as much as I hate her?  Will I ever be able to forgive myself for who I am?  If Alzheimer's forces her to be the real her, without filters, is it forcing me to be the real me?  Am I truly this evil?  Will this stop before the joy is completely extinguished from our lives?  I just want to go home.