Friday, August 15, 2014

A good question...

 I was recently asked why I don't write as often as I used to. As I considered my answer, my friend's next comment surprised me, "I figured that when you don't write, things are going okay."  And, I can understand that assumption.  I often write when I am so overwhelmed that there is nothing I can do but write.  So, when it is quiet on the blog front, it seems like a lull in the storm.  Unfortunately, there are no lulls of any great duration.  10 minutes here.  20 minutes there.  But, mostly, she is just on.

I wish I could tell you that silence is a good sign.  I can't.  My silence is simply that I've said everything before.  I have written about her agitation, delusions, anger, occasional funny comments, eating habits, and anything else that drives me to write.  And, sometimes the only thing that drives me to write is desperation... that feeling that if I don't write, I will implode into nothingness.  

And, there are times that I feel so low that I can't put words to paper because it just confirms how lonely this job truly is.  Those feelings are rare.  Well, maybe not rare, but not frequent.

So, in answer to the question... I don't write often because I have nothing new to say.  But, thank you for asking and for caring.  That is what ultimately gets me through. 


  1. Hugs and much love, friend. I share many of the same thoughts/feelings, though for different scenarios, of course, but the one that resonated with me most is that at times I feel that if I don't write, I will implode into nothingness. I love you and I care.

    1. I know you do. And that helps. And, I know that what I am experiencing, while horrible, does not compare to your pain. I love you for caring about me while living your own hell.