Monday, February 17, 2014

Faces of a sleep killer...

I had to night-sit Mom last night.  I coined the term to describe the act of trying to quietly keep Mom in a contained area in order for my kids to get some rest.  Last night I locked us in her room and blocked the door from 2:30 until 8:00 this morning. 

As I was sitting there, I thought about all of the variations of her nighttime activities and entertained myself by naming them.  And, because I know you're dying to hear about them, here they are:

The Security Guard:  She makes the rounds.  Checks locks.  Looks into rooms.  No supervision is required because she is quiet and steady.

The Scrounger:  She searches for and hides anything of value... could be a bar of soap, a roll of toilet paper, or a loaf of bread.  Minimal supervision is required.  If you want to keep your shoes or the blanket you are sleeping with you need to keep one eye open.  Check for the availability of toilet paper before you sit down.

The Town Cryer:  "The sky is falling and it is falling NOW!  We have to get out!  NOW!"  There are many variations of this but the idea remains the same.  This requires the night-sitting that I mentioned earlier.  There is no calming her and she rarely will sleep.

The Woe is Me:  Cries all night about any number of real or imaginary complaints... "I'm lonely!"  "I'm hungry!"  Like the Town Cryer, night sitting is required.  Extra equipment:  Pandora and noise cancelling earphones.

The Thirsty Kid:  She postpones going to bed by asking for numerous drinks of water which leads to numerous potty trips.  Definitely no supervision required.

The Comforter:  She likes to tuck us in.  If you have a body part showing, she will cover it for you.  She will pet your face, your feet, or anything else that she can find.  No supervision is required but to be woken by someone feeling your face in the dark is definitely a sleep killer.

The Passive-Aggressive:  She stands in a central location where she can be heard by all and says, "It's time to get up.  NOW!"  When she receives nothing but silence in answer, she loudly says, "Okay, then you can't go with me!"  No supervision required.  Extra equipment:  Ear plugs.

The Professional Organizer:  Her bedroom light comes on and the moving begins... blankets are taken from the bed and hung on hangers in the closet... shoes are tucked under pillows... purses are hidden for security reasons.  No supervision required unless you hear something fall or there are louder than usual screams. 

The Serious Snoozer:  This is probably my favorite.  As she is getting ready for bed, she comes and gives us a very serious talk... "I am going to bed now.  Please, do not wake me up!  I plan to be there until morning. Do NOT wake me up.  PLEASE!"  No supervision required but be prepared to hear the speech more than once. 

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