Saturday, February 15, 2014

A question of faith...

Where do you go when you are feeling alone and like you are ready to implode?  Where do you turn when you need a friendly word or a hug?  What do you do when you feel unworthy of any kind word or gesture? How do you find forgiveness for your actions and reactions to a situation that is no one's fault?  How do you accept that there is nothing that you can do to stop the torment?  What do you say to someone whose faith is being tested every moment of every day?  

If anyone asked me any one of those questions, my answer would be God.  It would be the answer for every one of the questions.  So, why is it so hard for me to make Him my answer?

I know He blesses me each and every day.  I know it.  But, I feel as if my life is split into two separate parts...  my real life and the Alzheimer's life.  I feel like all of my blessings are outside of Alzheimer's world.  I have nothing in Alzheimer's world.  And until I can resolve the two, I am destined to feel alone, unworthy, unforgiven, helpless and questioning my own faith. 


  1. Nancy, I am not exaggerating when I say that you have managed to describe how I feel. My story is different, but I totally relate. I am praying for you and myself alike.

  2. I'm so sorry that you feel this way. It is such a lonely journey. I will pray for both of us, as well. Each day I feel as if I'm failing the test.

  3. Nancy, as I go down the road with my Mom's illness, I have had a lot of questions and frustrating days. Yesterday, as she was crying in pain, she asked me what she had done to deserve this, why was this happening to her. My answer (one given to me by another family member)..... God allows these things to happen, so that we can learn to lean more and more on Him. I said it to comfort her, but it did make me reflect on my journey with her. I need to learn to LEAN. I'll be praying you, and I, can learn to be better LEANERS, because we are worthy. We are forgiven. We are NOT helpless. We are NOT alone. We just gotta lean baby! :D

    1. Steffanie, I truly believe that you are right. I also know that I need a lot of work in that area. A lot. Thank you for you words and your friendship. They both mean a LOT to me.