Monday, April 14, 2014

When the credits roll...

"When you objectify a person living with dementia you dehumanize them.  Once dehumanized the person becomes a villain." - Bob DeMarco

In my last blog entry I shared some quotes that spoke to me.  The quote above didn't just speak to me, it  screamed at me.  I actually considered not including it in the list of quotes because it also convicted me.  It's what I have done.  It's what I do.  Mom is no longer a victim of Alzheimer's, I've turned her into the villain in this drama. And that's a humbling admission. 

Sometimes I feel like I am living that old Bill Murray movie, Ground Hog Day.  He kept living the same day over and over again until he got it right.  Each day was a test and it was his choice whether he learned from the results.  Well, if my life is that movie then I have been failing the test every day for years.  What a boring, sad movie I'm living.  I have felt for a long while that this movie will not end until I can pass the test.

This disease has progressed very slowly for Mom, but so has my ability to give her what she needs.  I must stop the anger and focus on what is real... she is not a villain, she is the victim.  And victims deserve compassion and empathy. 

I have to decide whether I am the person that I think I am... the person who can make this right. It will be a long journey and I know that years of anger will not be undone overnight.  But, I vow that I will find a way to end this story with more dignity and kindness than I have shown for the majority of the movie.  And if I can get this right, then maybe, just maybe, I will find it easier to accept the title of hero when the credits roll.


  1. Wow...well said, Nancy. I am moved by this. Making that vow is no light or easy task! It will be tested day in and day out. And my prayer is that the Father will empower you to fulfill that vow. He will be there every step of the way with grace, forgiveness, and love. I bless you, Nancy. This is no easy task and the cost is great. I bless you and your Mum....

  2. Your support means a great deal to me. Your prayers and blessings mean everything. Without Him, I will be lost. Thank you.