Monday, April 14, 2014
When the credits roll...
"When you objectify a person living with dementia you dehumanize them. Once dehumanized the person becomes a villain." - Bob DeMarco
In my last blog entry I shared some quotes that spoke to me. The quote above didn't just speak to me, it screamed at me. I actually considered not including it in the list of quotes because it also convicted me. It's what I have done. It's what I do. Mom is no longer a victim of Alzheimer's, I've turned her into the villain in this drama. And that's a humbling admission.
Sometimes I feel like I am living that old Bill Murray movie, Ground Hog Day. He kept living the same day over and over again until he got it right. Each day was a test and it was his choice whether he learned from the results. Well, if my life is that movie then I have been failing the test every day for years. What a boring, sad movie I'm living. I have felt for a long while that this movie will not end until I can pass the test.
This disease has progressed very slowly for Mom, but so has my ability to give her what she needs. I must stop the anger and focus on what is real... she is not a villain, she is the victim. And victims deserve compassion and empathy.
I have to decide whether I am the person that I think I am... the person who can make this right. It will be a long journey and I know that years of anger will not be undone overnight. But, I vow that I will find a way to end this story with more dignity and kindness than I have shown for the majority of the movie. And if I can get this right, then maybe, just maybe, I will find it easier to accept the title of hero when the credits roll.