I am so frustrated today. Unfortunately, it is for the same reason that I have been pulling my hair out for most of this journey. As a lot of you know, I have two surviving brothers. At different times, they have both stepped up and helped, either by watching Mom or by helping me financially. I should add that the one that helped by watching Mom did so when it was convenient and only after requests and demands. The financial help from the other has come more recently and more willingly.
The brother who sometimes watched Mom, hasn't spoken to me in almost a year. He did send my family Christmas presents and my daughters birthday presents. But, there have been no calls asking how Mom is doing. No texts checking to see if I'm still alive. And it just gnaws at me. Even on good days with Mom there is this underlying hurt because I don't honestly know why this is acceptable to him or why he feels that I deserve it.
I understand that both brothers hold a strong resentment to some things that happened to us as children. I get that. And neither know how to care for her. They get frustrated. It effects their health or mental well-being. For one of them, it upsets his family. The other has no patience with her. But, I just have to know how many of those excuses do not apply to me and my family? Am I exempt from the childhood resentment? Do they think that I have a magic wand and barrels of patience? Is my health a guaranteed commodity?
My youngest daughter will be graduating from the 8th grade at the end of May. Today, she asked her uncles to watch Mom that night so that her celebration would be free of the everyday tension, anger, and embarrassment that has been so much a part of her young life. During the request, my daughter found out that the "absent" brother not only got married in the last year, he became a grandfather for the first time. If I was in doubt before, it is clear now, I am no longer a part of my brother's family. And that will have to be okay. I don't want to be part of something where I'm not welcome.
But, here is my frustration. I don't want him helping us. At all. I know it's my pride speaking, well, and a dash of hurt. My brain is screaming, let him help. It's for your daughter. And because of her, I will let him help. But, it will be the last time.