Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Pity party...

Continue reading only if you don't mind a published pity party.

I am just feeling so very overwhelmed. Up until 3 years ago, I was on top of my game. I had a job and a career that, while I wasn't rolling in the money, I was blessed to be able to provide for my family. We didn't need anything. We were comfortable. I was a single mom who moved my family in with my mother to help her in the early stages of her disease. Of course, there were conflicts and problems, that's part of life. But, we were happy.

Then almost 3 years ago, the economy forced me out of my job. I looked at it as a blessing because the timing coincided with my Mom's condition worsening. But, it also began a series of situations that began testing my faith and the very reality of who I am.

Now, I feel as if each test that I have gotten through, I am handed another. Sort of, “Well, you came out of that one smiling, try this... Whack!” And, each challenge is harder to smile through. I am tired with no rest in sight. I am broke and falling deeper into the money pit. I am sick with no healthcare and a system that doesn't work. I am angry and becoming angrier. I am alone.

Yesterday, my car was ransacked and several items were taken. But, worse, the jerk then stole my daughter's car. I feel like I have the proverbial “kick me” sign on my back. And, by association, my children are being kicked, as well. I can't help but wonder what I did that was so horrible that this is my payback.

I know that those items and the car are just things. I know that. I am grateful that no one was hurt. I am grateful for so much. But, at what point is it okay to just say, “Screw it”?

Published pity party is over. I will now continue in private. 

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