Friday, September 28, 2012

A lost soul...

It's almost 2 am and I have to be up in 4 hours.  Yet, here I am creating an entry for my blog.   But, I have to keep busy.  You see Mom is wandering and sleep will be a long time coming.  For both of us.

Let me start at the beginning.  I started sleeping in the living room because it is there that I will have the best chance of keeping her safe.  She has to go by me to get anywhere that she becomes a danger to herself.  She has wandered before but never this late and never after she has been asleep.  I've been expecting this new symptom, but not with any amount of excitement.  It is actually very quiet, almost stealthlike.

Back to the wandering...  I was asleep and heard a very quiet movement in the dining room.   So, I woke up and watched Mom pace from kitchen to dining room, to front door, to bathroom and back around again.  She was fully dressed and ready to start her day.  I stayed quiet and just watched for over an hour.  She didn't attempt to leave, but I am sure that is coming. After awhile she realized that I was awake and treated me to a play by play of her actions.  "I am going to the kitchen to get a drink of water. I am sitting at the table and looking outside.  I am drinking my water now.  I am driving my daughter crazy now (okay that one was mine) "

So, what causes this?  I'm guessing she is searching for something familiar.  She is looking for the home that is buried in her mis-firing brain. She wants to find her family.   She wants to find that time when things made sense.  She has no true concept of time anymore, so, 2 am feels like noon, feels like dinnertime.  I wish I could reach into her brain and soothe it.  Until I find a way to do that I will lie here on this uncomforable couch and listen for the quiet sounds of a lost soul.  And I will blog at 2 am.

1 comment:

  1. Nancy my heart breaks for you...I know you would do anything to protect your mom. I wish i could help you out some shouldn't have to have all this just on your shoulders..