You know what I miss?
I miss the option of walking away to cool down when things get too overwhelming. No matter how bad it gets, how intense, how horrific, I am here dealing with it. No cool down periods allowed. Day care looks a long way away on an intense Saturday afternoon.
You know what I wish?
I wish that I had a magic insulation bubble that keeps my family safe from the intense feelings that I am feeling. I wish that in the heat of the moment that they could remember to just let me be. Or if they can't, they need to not add to the intense feelings by getting angry with me when I lose my patience. It's the same every time. I am trying to hold it together and they get involved and I lose it. I know I'm wrong. I know that. But, I can't handle the guilt of every bad feeling that happens in this house.
I have nothing left. Give me some space while I try to find more. Until then, I'm sorry will have to be enough.