I woke up today with a positive attitude and a light heart. It's amazing how a little good news can ruin a good day.
One of the things that is very difficult to talk about, for anyone, is money. In the best of times, you just don't talk about how much money you make. And, in the hard times, you don't discuss the juggling that you have to do to get your bills paid. You definitely don't talk about the bill collectors who are calling or the pink bills that you receive. It's no wonder that caretakers rarely talk about the financial devastation of this disease, both for the victim of Alzheimer's, and the caretaker.
I have been blessed for most of my adult life and have always made enough for the needs of my family. I paid my bills. I had a great credit rating. I paid my taxes and I helped those in need. But, all of that changed when I became a full-time caretaker. This is uncomfortable for me to discuss. So, I will just say that things are tight right now.
So, what's the good news that ruined my day? My brother just came to the door and shared that he got a raise. A rather large raise. He went on to share his ideas of vacations and cars he has been looking to buy. Keep in mind that he wasn't "struggling" before the raise.
I chose to move here 9 years ago to financially help my mom. That was all that I had planned to do. Now, I am legally obligated to stay here regardless of what it has done to my family's finances. I cannot walk away. I cannot get a job. I must stay here and watch other family members thrive. I have so many emotions that I am feeling right now. I am jealous. I am furious. But, mostly I am hurt. I am hurt that nowhere in his plans was a single thought for his mother, his nieces or me. How many times do I have to be hit in the head before I remember that this is my problem? I just wish that when I was growing up in a family with 5 kids that someone would have explained how to be an only child.