Wednesday, June 27, 2012


It's been a really bad night. I just can't do this anymore. At midnight I had my keys in my hand, I made it to the front porch, I can see my escape. But, as much as my soul must go, I cannot leave.  If I leave who will take my place?  My girls. The very people who are my life.  The girls for whom I would lay down my life. The ones who just looked at me with such disappointment that I am crushed to the heart of my being. 

So, I sit by the person who used to be my mother.  And I listen to words that are too vile to repeat.  I sit in the dark writing this blog in my mind.  I count the moments until I can leave this room and make it real.  These words that I write truly are my sanity.  I write them for me.  I write them so that I can make sense of a disease that has none.  I write them because it is the only escape that I am allowed to make.  I just wish I could find the words to make my daughters believe that I am invincible again.

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