The first call from hospice letting me know that Mom's condition was deteriorating rapidly hit me hard. I think part of my brain actually considered her "outliving us all". Unrealistic, I know. But, it was something that we said, and probably believed, during the stressful times. Physically, she was strong and healthy for a woman in her 80s. The Alzheimer's had progressed slowly. So very slowly. There was no reason to think it wouldn't continue in the same way. I knew that she would be there on my next visit, yelling that she was hungry.
But, she's gone. She's been gone almost two weeks. I am actually happy that she is gone. I am finding that most people are shocked by that. I shed many tears for my mother over the years. I grieved for her each day that I was forced to watch her slow and cruel death. My children and I said our goodbyes to her many years ago. She was spared the final suffering that many Alzheimer's victims are forced to endure.
So, no, I have no tears for my mother's passing. I do have a sense of relief and an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for her final and glorious peace. I know where she is and, more importantly, she does, too. She is whole.
Alzheimer's did not win.
Eternal peace did.