Tuesday, October 13, 2015

No tears...

It didn't end the way I imagined.

The first call from hospice letting me know that Mom's condition was deteriorating rapidly hit me hard.  I think part of my brain actually considered her "outliving us all".  Unrealistic, I know.  But, it was something that we said, and probably believed, during the stressful times.  Physically, she was strong and healthy for a woman in her 80s.  The Alzheimer's had progressed slowly.  So very slowly. There was no reason to think it wouldn't continue in the same way. I knew that she would be there on my next visit, yelling that she was hungry.

But, she's gone.  She's been gone almost two weeks.  I am actually happy that she is gone.  I am finding that most people are shocked by that.  I shed many tears for my mother over the years. I grieved for her each day that I was forced to watch her slow and cruel death. My children and I said our goodbyes to her many years ago.  She was spared the final suffering that many Alzheimer's victims are forced to endure.

So, no, I have no tears for my mother's passing.  I do have a sense of relief and an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for her final and glorious peace.  I know where she is and, more importantly, she does, too.  She is whole.

Alzheimer's did not win.

Eternal peace did.

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