I am getting there...

Our journey through Alzheimer's is over.  The ramifications of the experience will last for years.

Here's one that I'm working through:

Mom became so agitated with the slightest activities around the house that I let a lot of things go in the last 2 years of Mom's illness.  We rarely cooked.  We did little cleaning besides what was absolutely necessary for health reasons. We didn't decorate for holidays.  If something broke, we found a way to make it work with minimal disruption to Mom.  Needless to say, the house is a mess.

It was only 6 months ago that I chose to place Mom in a facility that could care for her better than I could.  I thought, "Wow!  I can do things again. I can finally get the house put back together." Unfortunately, these energetic thoughts were followed with an unbelievable sense of hopelessness and apathy.  I just didn't care.  I don't know if I believed that she was going to be sent home again (it entered my mind) or whether I just needed the time to lick my wounds and heal a bit.

Whatever the reason, since Mom's passing, I have been filled with a sense of urgency and energy to get things done.  I need to get up and move.  I need to clean, fix, and purge.  I need to work.  And I have been.  The house is still torn up, it always looks worse before it can look better.  But, I am getting there.

As I said, I will be working through the repercussions of this journey for a long time.  It feels good to take a first step back to my life.