Thursday, October 17, 2013


I haven't been writing much lately.  I don't know why.  Words just haven't been screaming to be written.  Life has been about the same.  I've had no major meltdowns.  I don't know if that means that I have adjusted to the turmoil or whether I've become numb to it.  Either way, I think that either reason is kind of sad.

On a personal front, I'm frustrated and disappointed.  For the first time in my life I asked for some financial help from the system.  I was denied.  Because I moved in here to take care of Mom, I own a house that I don't live in.  I don't make any money off of it.  But, I was denied assistance because I own too many assets.  In order to get help, I can have no more that $3,150 in assets.  So, in addition to this situation bankrupting me (I've depleted all of my savings and fallen behind on some bills), Even giving up the hope of moving back into my own home wouldn't be enough.  Even if I sold it, the state goes back several years to make sure that I didn't bury any of my assets. 

I have been working for the system for almost 40 years.  But, I'm too well off to receive any help in return.  And that just crushes me.  I just wanted to go to the doctor.  I don't think that is too much to ask. Apparently, the State of California does.

Oh, and they sent me a bill for $743 for sitting at their clinic for 5 hours and speaking to a Nurse Practitioner for about 40 seconds.  Sounds fair to me. 

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