I need help. I need to find me again. I've lost the person that I was. The smart alecky, sarcastic, silly person who could almost always find a smile is gone. I have become a hermit. Yes, partly by circumstance, but mostly because I avoid people. I don't want to talk to anyone or let them see who I have become. I would rather stay home than see the people I care about. It is becoming almost painful to socialize.
I dread the question, "How is your Mom?" I know it is a polite question full of genuine interest. But, I have no answer. She's dying. She's miserable. So, do I tell the truth or do I find a fake smile and answer, "The same."?
But, even more, I dread the question, "How are you?" Because I'm afraid I will melt into a puddle of tears if I have to answer. I'm afraid that the truth will push people away even farther than these circumstances require. I dread the pity that I will see. Luckily, I am rarely asked about me. Maybe people sense my reluctance to answer or are afraid of my answer.
Maybe I am invisible.