Her purse...

“Her purse was a weight, ballast; it tethered her to the earth as her mind floated away.”
― Anne Lamott, Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith 

This quote struck me right in the gut.  Mom obsesses about the location of her purse.  She can do nothing as simple as eating her lunch unless she finds her purse beforehand.  At first, I thought it was that she wants it at hand if I should suddenly decide to take her somewhere, sort of an escape plan.


But is it more?  Is it her lifeline to normalcy? A tie to her past that has always been there?  Her security blanket? 

We play "find the purse"  for what seems hours on end.  We find the purse, she hides the purse.  She has hidden it under her pillows on her bed. I have found it hanging inside a jacket in her closet.  I  found the purse empty of its contents and was forced to find each and every item in it before she could go to bed.  Recently, we couldn't find it at all. She had hidden it that well.  But, I'm a step ahead of her.  I have an extra purse with another wallet, filled with her information, for just such an occasion. Am I clever?  Not so much.  That is not HER purse.  Nor is the picture on the ID a picture of HER, "that woman is old." lol.  Two weeks after the case of the disappearing purse she walked out with it on her shoulder as if it had always been there.

So, what is it that makes that one old purse, that is falling apart, different? For her, it is, quite possibly nothing more than her tether, her ballast, just as the quote suggests.

For me it is something entirely different. Today, my brother said that Mom complained for hours that, for that purse being so new, it is sure falling apart.  And it hit me. That purse is a metaphor of her life.  In her eyes it is brand new with few memories. But, in the world's eyes it is weakening and becoming less of itself everyday, trying to stay useful, never to be discarded and forgotten.