Before...

Living through a traumatic situation, such as being a caretaker, can dull your
memories of the person  before their diagnosis.  I spent a great deal of time
today trying to remember what my mother was like before this hideous disease
demanded a place in our lives.  Here are few memories from before:

-The way she smoothed the hair away from my eyes when I put my head on
her lap when I was small.
-The smell of Henna in her hair.
-"Pull your dress over your knees, Nancy. You're a lady."  
-"Look through your glasses, not over them."
-The smell of gingerbread on a rainy afternoon.
-Laughter when, as a six year old, she tried to tell me that she could unscrew
my head by sticking her finger in my bellybutton... but it wouldn't work if I laughed.
-The gifts under the tree on Christmas morning for all five of us kids. And not a
single gift that wasn't made at school for either of my parents. Oh, the sacrifices
she made for us.
-The one day each Summer when we each got our own half gallon of ice cream
for dinner.
-The sealed, boiled cans of Eaglebrand (YUM, but don't try it...they do explode).
-"He may have started it but I WILL finish it." 
-The smell of toasted Van De Kamp's Salt Rising bread.
-"Can I just finish this chapter?"
-The word games she used to play, like the time she was tired of hearing "Mom"
constantly so we had to guess her new name before we could ask her a question.
-The lugs of Beefsteak tomatoes that she allowed us to eat like they were apples.
-The book that would fly through the air if you interrupted her reading one too
many times.
-Her total trust in me and my choices in life.
-Her fear that this would be how her life ended up.

Before...