Holidays...

The holidays are over. The times that families seem to most miss their loved ones who have passed. It's hard to enjoy the many celebrations when there are empty chairs that will never be filled. I have been though many of those holidays.

This year was not one of them. For the first time in a decade, my children and I were able to have special times that were focused on something other than anger and frustrations. That's not true. There were periods of time in the past few years that weren't filled with stress. But, the times were those moments in time I like to bring up every now and again. 

I know there are people who grieve my mother's passing.  I understand and offer my condolences and prayers of comfort. 

I am not grieving. I am rejoicing. I will say it clearly and without shame, I am glad my mother died. I feel as if the world stopped sitting on my shoulders and crapping on me. Sorry, if that is too graphic, but it is true. That's the selfish part and I'm more than okay with that. 

But what makes it easy to be glad is to know that my mother has no more pain. She is no longer struggling with a brain that betrayed her. I was told over and over again during this journey that my mother was in there, that deep down she knew me and she knew what was happening. That though horrifies me. 

For the first time since Mom passed I realized that I don't remember her with anger and resentment. And that is the best gift of all.

3/29/16