When the credits roll...

"When you objectify a person living with dementia you dehumanize them.  Once dehumanized the person becomes a villain." - Bob DeMarco

In my last blog entry I shared some quotes that spoke to me.  The quote above didn't just speak to me, it  screamed at me.  I actually considered not including it in the list of quotes because it also convicted me.  It's what I have done.  It's what I do.  Mom is no longer a victim of Alzheimer's, I've turned her into the villain in this drama. And that's a humbling admission. 

Sometimes I feel like I am living that old Bill Murray movie, Ground Hog Day.  He kept living the same day over and over again until he got it right.  Each day was a test and it was his choice whether he learned from the results.  Well, if my life is that movie then I have been failing the test every day for years.  What a boring, sad movie I'm living.  I have felt for a long while that this movie will not end until I can pass the test.

This disease has progressed very slowly for Mom, but so has my ability to give her what she needs.  I must stop the anger and focus on what is real... she is not a villain, she is the victim.  And victims deserve compassion and empathy. 

I have to decide whether I am the person that I think I am... the person who can make this right. It will be a long journey and I know that years of anger will not be undone overnight.  But, I vow that I will find a way to end this story with more dignity and kindness than I have shown for the majority of the movie.  And if I can get this right, then maybe, just maybe, I will find it easier to accept the title of hero when the credits roll.