Just an update...

I've been trying to write something on here but the words feel forced.  I guess I will start by updating Mom's situation and condition.

After being told that there was nowhere to place Mom, a caseworker finally suggested that they look for a hospice bed instead of a nursing bed. Within 24 hours she was placed into a facility.  And just that quickly our lives changed.

Mom is doing well at the facility. The staff is attentive and kind to her.  Her condition has definitely deteriorated since she left home in March, but I would still consider her strong. She looks frail and helpless at times. Other times she is as demanding and forceful in her wants as she ever was with me. For the most part, she is still eating well.  The staff is efficient in getting her snacks between meals and takes her demands in stride.

Mom's placement has left me and my family with many more freedoms.  No one has to stay behind and take care of Mom. We can do things as a family that we haven't in years.  A simple thing like going to the movies is a reality for us now.  It's wonderful.  Not surprisingly, we've adjusted well to the freedoms.

Personally, it's been difficult adjusting to her being so far away and no longer being under my care. I miss her.  I want to see her, but logistically, it is difficult to visit her often.  When I do visit, I seem to agitate her more than comfort her with my presence.  She isn't comfortable with displays of affection for more that a few moments at a time.  She doesn't recognize me at all anymore. The visits are more of a check-up on her care than a visit to Mom. There is little I can do for her but be her advocate. 

I'm having a hard time knowing what to do with my time. I find myself just sitting, thinking there are things to be done, but not having the energy or desire to do them.  I'm feeling a little lost. I've applied for a few jobs, but, so far, no one is interested. I think that is adding to my apathetic attitude.  I need to get up and move.  Maybe I'll do that tomorrow.