You have been warned...

Mom has said many things that are, shall we say, a little off color.  She twists words until the meaning is borderline offensive but hilarious as anything I have ever heard.  I have hesitated to share them because I felt they were an invasion of her personal privacy.  But, I've realized that it isn't an invasion because she never meant to say what she said or ever did what she said she did.  So, if you're still following my warped explanation, you have been warned.

These all happened at separate times:

My daughters and I were sitting in the living room one evening when Mom poked her head into the room and announced, "I just wanted you all to know that I am through playing with myself now."   Good to know.  Thanks, Mom.

Mom and I were shopping at Target and a woman commented to Mom that she had a beautiful, full head of hair.  Mom responded, "If you think that's a lot, you should see down there!"  No further explanation will be coming with that one.

I was sitting in the dark next to Mom's bed, waiting for her to fall asleep when Mom started moving around. She starts moaning and says, "Oh, YES! That's it. Right there! That feels SOOOO good. OH! Yes! Right there! Oh, thank you!! That is so good!"  She was scratching her leg.

The next evening, my oldest daughter was sitting with her when her Grandmother said, "You'll need to leave soon because those 3 boys are coming back tonight and they won't want you watching." Apparently, they like to scratch legs privately. 

But my favorite has to be tonight when she looked at me and said, "I love you. I mean, I love you like a sister, not like a horse that I want to take for a ride."